The Re-education of A Social Work Burnout Queen

Because starting over is always easier the second time around…right?

The Re-awakening…

Well, not really a re-awakening considering how much sleep I don’t get. But, I have decided to one again try this blogging thing. A lot has happened since my last post. I will not dwell on the past…of this blog that is. However, I will reminisce with you all about the happenings that have happened since we last met, spoke, saw each other, whatever.

I started school again! Second best decision I ever made. The first of course was moving to the great state of Washington. I have settled into it quite nicely if I do say so myself. School on the other hand is a different beast.

This social work burnout queen decided to change careers. Drum-roll please……..Video production. Of course! I love movies, could never figure out why watching them was so much more entertaining than interacting with my fellow human beings. But alas, here I am, trying my hand at the beast. And school is a beast. I am only getting my associates in Video Production, so I won’t have the pleasure of being required to make an actual final project (like a movie or documentary). However, I am finding that, that is exactly what I want to do sometimes. But screw another Bachelor’s degree…for now anyway. I also lllooovvveee editing. So much fun.

There are difficulties though. The other students (or as some people like to call them…competition…not me though). It really depends who you meet. There are of course the pretentious ones, the lazy ones, the witty ones (there are seriously a lot of funny, witty people in the film-making program…is that like a requirement or something?), and of course the artsy fartsy ones (not to be confused with pretentious because they actually are good at what they do…they’re attitudes just suck). 

So that is all for now…because there is one more month left of school during which I have at least two final projects due. And per usual most of my time will be spent working and schooling. Until next time. Adios.

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What’s a re-edumacation anyway?

So I’ve decided to finally hit upon the much awaited post defining…you got it, a re-education. What the kale is that anyway? (I’m trying to cut down on my curse words so be prepared for some nonsense…I’m really good at that, and especially today because I just had one of the most delicious homemade bite size raw vegan almond butter espresso cookies…an hour or so before my bedtime…its go time…on the ellipses that is.)  Remember that disclaimer about the run-ons and randomness…remember? Good, now try to keep up.

My personal definition of a re-education actually comes from much of what I learned in the school of social work. It basically goes back to a bunch of different theories, that some of you may or may not know, and then mixing those with actual actions. Kind of like a to- do  list for your life…I mean my life, I won’t be offended in the least if you copy me.

Re-education is

1) taking all (or most) of what you have been conditioned to think about how you’re supposed to act, feel, do, and think and throwing that ishness into a bowl or a box (or whatever container you want) and picking through, and keeping only those actions, feelings, doings, and thinkings are truly consistent and integral to who you are as a human being.

2) taking all that you’ve put off for however long…and actually doing it

3) stepping out on faith, manifesting, sending your desires out into the universe…however, you want to put it

4) doing…uh huh, that simple, as in “there is no try, only do” Yoda knew what he was talking about… that was yoda right?

5) and lastly, my favorite, making sure you have a positive group of people to support you in your re-education (as I’ve mentioned before). As in, if they think that whatever you are doing, or whatever you are trying to do is stupid or dumb, or “why you doing that,” then screech, “talk to the hand”(old school style), “ain’t nobody got time for that” (new school style). They obviously don’t want to receive the blessing that is knowing and being around a rockstar such as yourself.

So far so good on my end; I’m a thinker, so doing has always been an issue…laziness might have also had something to do with that. Well that’s it for now, I’m tired and this is only the first week of school in an 11 week quarter…super excited for what’s to come!

Alone, alone…oh so alone

“The soul should always stand ajar. Ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.” Emily Dickinson

“The soul should always stand ajar. Ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.” Emily Dickinson

I am definitely ALONE. I drove 3,000 plus miles ALONE, packed my shit ALONE (okay my mommy helped out that last day, and I might not have misplaced/lost some stuff if I had had her help sooner…not blaming at all), stayed in Marriotts across the country ALONE (thanks to my awesome twin bro and his connections!!), found a decent job ALONE, found a place to live ALONE ( I mean I have a roommate, but you know what I mean), and made a couple of major life decisions…aside from moving across country…all ALONE.

Going it alone is what’s necessary sometimes, even if it doesn’t feel like it. And trust me, most of my life, it has felt like I have needed that someone or something there telling me that I was going in the right direction, making the right/correct choice, or even needing that someone or something to make those decisions for me. It was my comfort zone/ That’s how people end up in trouble ,in debt, unhappy, resentful, confused, and lost… like Dorothy (I don’t know if she was resentful…but I’d hate the hell out of that tornado!). But you’re lucky enough if you have a Toto, Scarecrow, Lion, and Tinman to help you out…and no I don’t mean a scared, brainless, overly emotional friend who clings to you, those are a no go in my book. Thankfully, I’ve been blessed with amazing friends and family, who care about my well-being and my success, who are supportive, who have taken time out their busy schedules to help me deal with my breakdowns, made me laugh, left me speechless with their amazing insight, helped me question my own actions (good and bad), improved my confidence with just the simplest of words, and unknowingly attributed to my bad-ass behavior. Thus, I am and will always be a work in progress, and an  ongoing accumulation of the wonderfully positive people that have entered my world (and yes even the horribly negative people that came to teach some sort of lesson and then quickly exit…Thank God!).

So while going it alone is often necessary, so is having the right people around you. And I don’t mean the RIGHT people, you know the ones who just have to be RIGHT and always feel they are RIGHT about your business and situation. Not them. Because when you are oh so alone, risking it and trying to go it alone, you’re gonna need the right ones in the far reaches of your mind (and on speed dial/text), building you up without them even being physically present…Those are friends and family that will aid in your re-education and have assisted in mine.

Next up…I should probably define what this whole re-education thingy is gonna be because “If you fail to plan, you plan on failing.” Until next time, remain blessed and ever comforted by your peeps as I am by mine.

 
 
 

Miley Tweeted: “I Know What Color My Skin Is. You Can Stop With The Friendly Reminders, Bitch.”

Thought-provoking

According to various sources,  but primarily the free dictionary (who doesn’t like free?) the definition of Cainotophobia is an abnormal fear of newness; and defines Neophobia or a neophobe as preoccupation with not liking new things.  Now, from my perspective, this is  A.K.A. a fear of change. Yes I said it, CHANGE…and fearing it.

What exactly does this have to do with my blog and the topic for today…nothing really (okay a little). Seriously, I was looking for the awesome -phobia word that meant a “fear of success” and instead landed on this gem and thought it would be fun to have here always as a reminder of two words I need to incorporate into my daily vocabulary. Also, I wanted to write an incredibly long run-on sentence, as I have been a practicing Social Worker for the past several years and writing like one for the past 6, and every sentence had to be precise, concise, and straight to the point. Therefore, I have lots of time to make up for…get used to it. Oh and the rambling, I have no idea how long that’s going to last, but it’ll be there, literally at every turn. Think of it as exercise for your brain.

But because I’m diligent and do not indeed fear change or newness…I found a ‘new’ word: Atychiphobia. Meaning the fear of failure. To me it is the same or synonymous with a fear of success, if you’re not succeeding, your failing; and if you’re not failing, you might not be succeeding, but possibly almost there at successful, but you’re failing so not quite there yet. Let it sink in.

My story beings (finally I know), on a cold winter’s night, in December, at exactly 7pmish o’clock, many years ago. I decided to make a change, but because I was a neophobe at the time I didn’t. Fast forward a couple of years until you get to 2012 and that is where we’ll begin again…there yet? Okay cool, so Most if not all of 2012 was spent thinking how and when the hell am I going to escape from Virginia. I mean it’s a nice place and all, but I had lived there for most of my life. So please don’t picture me or anyone trying to escape a prison compound or anything. I had spurts of living in other places (because my mommy was military awesomeness) which kind of introduced me to the traveling bug, but I didn’t get bit; who likes getting bit by bugs? Not me. Which is probably why I remained in Virginia for almost 18 years. That’s adolescence, and we all know how long that crap already feels like forever.  Well, 2012 was the year of me saying that I wanted to move, and I almost made plans earlier in the year to move to Seattle, but the neophobe in me, taunted me relentlessly that I was not financially, emotionally, physically, or any other -ially  word, ready to move to a ‘new place’ by myself. I even talked with a friend about moving to North Carolina later in the year. But SUDDENLY, I decided not to, and started researching other places and that’s how I ended up in Washington State, alone, sad and depressed.

The End.

Just kidding, I’m not alone, there’s always some stranger nearby :).  Anyways, My neophobic side was soooo scared to make such a drastic change by myself, and of all when I was not emotionally, financially, physically, or otherwise ready. But that was the beauty of it all. By embracing this change, ignoring the fact that I might fail at moving across country by myself, all those other things are slowly but surely falling into place.
Example: By moving away, disregarding others opinions or negative beliefs about my choice, saving just enough money to make it by, and as I like to say “growing a pair of ovaries” or in my case using the ones I have; I have been better able to think clearly about a ton of stuff that I did not realize I had depended on others for, mainly approval. And I’m pretty independent. So to realize that for years I had a little devil on my shoulder saying I need to do something because it makes me look selfless, compassionate, giving, and made me feel like I was “doing something” was such a relief. I mean I knocked that little bastard right off of there and had to start again with figuring out who I wanted to be and what makes me happy… and yes I realized that I’ve never really felt true joy in anything I’ve ever done including social work (I was good at it, but not that happy doing it). Except this little video editing/directing/screenwriting thing I did… once.
See people, I am a mild case of what happens when you let your own negative beliefs, the opinions of others (however helpful they are trying to be), and self doubt run your life.
But then again…I’m one bad-ass chick who drove cross-country solo, to a state I’ve never even visited to start anew. I think this example for others is gonna be so much better than my last. Until next time, be blessed.

“People underestimate their capacity for change. There is never a right time to do a difficult thing.” John Porter

The First Step is Usually the Hardest…

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Name’s Christina, although I think being referred to as “Chrissy Py Superfly” would suffice and be as equally awesome. I am the Social Work Burnout Queen. I used to dread being one of those people who pursued a career and didn’t realize until many years and lots of money (lost) later that they were doing something that they were less than passionate about. The phrase “Me thinks thou dost protest too much” has new meaning for me. I was hell bent on not being one of those people, so much so that I ignored many signs that this shit just wasn’t going to fly from the get go…I’m an optimist, and optimism has landed me square on my ass, having to start over, in a new place, a new home, a new school, and even a new found sense of optimism. Yes, I said it. I’m still as, if not more, optimistic about my future as I was when I started out in social work. You’re probably thinking I should find a new perspective or mindset, one that won’t cost me thousands in student loan debt, or require a cross country move. BUT. Those were the FIRST steps I took to land me where I am now, and if I hadn’t taken them, who knows where the hell I would have ended up. It’s almost like I took my first step, tripped, fell, stayed down a while (because I was enjoying myself so much), and then got back up after a nice long talk with the asphalt. I’m in the midst of the second or third…let’s drop the metaphor, it’s starting to confuse even me. I’m starting over in a new state, new side of the country (West Coast baby!), a new career path, and a new school. Should be interesting…care to join me on the re-education of this social work burnout queen? I’m keeping my eyes open this time! Until next time…

Olivia A. Cole

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The Re-education of A Social Work Burnout Queen

Because starting over is always easier the second time around...right?

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