According to various sources, but primarily the free dictionary (who doesn’t like free?) the definition of Cainotophobia is an abnormal fear of newness; and defines Neophobia or a neophobe as preoccupation with not liking new things. Now, from my perspective, this is A.K.A. a fear of change. Yes I said it, CHANGE…and fearing it.
What exactly does this have to do with my blog and the topic for today…nothing really (okay a little). Seriously, I was looking for the awesome -phobia word that meant a “fear of success” and instead landed on this gem and thought it would be fun to have here always as a reminder of two words I need to incorporate into my daily vocabulary. Also, I wanted to write an incredibly long run-on sentence, as I have been a practicing Social Worker for the past several years and writing like one for the past 6, and every sentence had to be precise, concise, and straight to the point. Therefore, I have lots of time to make up for…get used to it. Oh and the rambling, I have no idea how long that’s going to last, but it’ll be there, literally at every turn. Think of it as exercise for your brain.
But because I’m diligent and do not indeed fear change or newness…I found a ‘new’ word: Atychiphobia. Meaning the fear of failure. To me it is the same or synonymous with a fear of success, if you’re not succeeding, your failing; and if you’re not failing, you might not be succeeding, but possibly almost there at successful, but you’re failing so not quite there yet. Let it sink in.
My story beings (finally I know), on a cold winter’s night, in December, at exactly 7pmish o’clock, many years ago. I decided to make a change, but because I was a neophobe at the time I didn’t. Fast forward a couple of years until you get to 2012 and that is where we’ll begin again…there yet? Okay cool, so Most if not all of 2012 was spent thinking how and when the hell am I going to escape from Virginia. I mean it’s a nice place and all, but I had lived there for most of my life. So please don’t picture me or anyone trying to escape a prison compound or anything. I had spurts of living in other places (because my mommy was military awesomeness) which kind of introduced me to the traveling bug, but I didn’t get bit; who likes getting bit by bugs? Not me. Which is probably why I remained in Virginia for almost 18 years. That’s adolescence, and we all know how long that crap already feels like forever. Well, 2012 was the year of me saying that I wanted to move, and I almost made plans earlier in the year to move to Seattle, but the neophobe in me, taunted me relentlessly that I was not financially, emotionally, physically, or any other -ially word, ready to move to a ‘new place’ by myself. I even talked with a friend about moving to North Carolina later in the year. But SUDDENLY, I decided not to, and started researching other places and that’s how I ended up in Washington State, alone, sad and depressed.
Just kidding, I’m not alone, there’s always some stranger nearby :). Anyways, My neophobic side was soooo scared to make such a drastic change by myself, and of all when I was not emotionally, financially, physically, or otherwise ready. But that was the beauty of it all. By embracing this change, ignoring the fact that I might fail at moving across country by myself, all those other things are slowly but surely falling into place.
Example: By moving away, disregarding others opinions or negative beliefs about my choice, saving just enough money to make it by, and as I like to say “growing a pair of ovaries” or in my case using the ones I have; I have been better able to think clearly about a ton of stuff that I did not realize I had depended on others for, mainly approval. And I’m pretty independent. So to realize that for years I had a little devil on my shoulder saying I need to do something because it makes me look selfless, compassionate, giving, and made me feel like I was “doing something” was such a relief. I mean I knocked that little bastard right off of there and had to start again with figuring out who I wanted to be and what makes me happy… and yes I realized that I’ve never really felt true joy in anything I’ve ever done including social work (I was good at it, but not that happy doing it). Except this little video editing/directing/screenwriting thing I did… once.
See people, I am a mild case of what happens when you let your own negative beliefs, the opinions of others (however helpful they are trying to be), and self doubt run your life.
But then again…I’m one bad-ass chick who drove cross-country solo, to a state I’ve never even visited to start anew. I think this example for others is gonna be so much better than my last. Until next time, be blessed.
“People underestimate their capacity for change. There is never a right time to do a difficult thing.” John Porter